rearview mirror of me: Hide and stow and lock and throw.

You know...

It seems to me that people are always full of advice for you and others around them. Whenever someone I know has a problem, there is always that somebody who will fly in and attempt to save the day with their pearls of wisdom.

I am not condemning these people because I seem to be one of them most of the time.

It's not like I try to be Miss-goody-two-shoes because Lord knows I'm far from it. Also I'm not trying to make it sound like i know it all because WE all know that I don't.

I guess, I like being THAT person.
The one that helped you get through it.
The one that nudged you the right way.
The one that listens when you need me to
and never stops talking after.

Trouble is, I don't give people opportunities to be THAT person to me because as much as I like to think that I am open about myself and my problems and the shit that I'm personally going through... I'm not.

I tend to hide and stow and lock and throw.

I don't give people the chance to save me because every time they try I mentally push them away and emotionally close them out. I hate myself for doing that because that does that mean that I'm not open to change? Ergo making me a hypocrite?

I hate hypocrites.

I don't know when or why I started blocking people off from the me inside of me that i hide so well. What I do know is that I do want to change and I do want to open up.

Don't ask me to open up to you now or anytime soon because I don't think I'll be ready for that. I'm trying and trying is always a huge effort for me.

In other news... my baby is coming back on Sunday!