today is my mummy's 40 something birthday... but she still looks like she's old enough to be my sister. thats ok though, good genes must run in the family right?
my mother and i never had a very good relationship... from the start she was hardly ever around because she was at work all the time or travelling overseas FOR work or play. So thats why i became alot closer to my dad but no matter what, i always knew that she would be there for me if i needed her.
in malaysia, when she was around and once i started getting a bit older i started doing things that any neglected teenager would do; rebel. i started smoking, skipping school and sneaking out of the house to go clubbing with my older boyfriend. i had no relationship with my mother at that point because she discovered my sneakiness time and time again and therefore her trust in me was shattered.
i dont think i cared that much though because i guess i was thinking, well who cares right? i mean, she never cared for me before this so why should i care about what she thinks now?
anyway, that was when i was a bit of a younger teen... 14 going on 15.
once i dumped that sorry ass excuse for a boyfriend, i think my relationship started becoming a little bit better with my mum. we started talking a LITTLE bit more... connecting a LITTLE bit more... and becoming a LITTLE bit more closer.
then i fucked it up again... and again... and again. once she gains that much of trust in me, i do something to break it.
i guess, i will never fail to fuck up when it comes to her.
i think once we moved to australia, our relationship got a whole heap worse because i HATED her with a passion for dragging me to this stupid country when my whole life was in malaysia. i hated her and i hated phil and i hated everything.
after 4 years of living here though, i have eventually gotten over it and now i am looking forwards to making this relationship with my mum work this time.
i love her so much, i know she wont ever read this... but whatever. it was good to get this off my chest.
happy birthday mother dear!
love you guys!
jo
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