I guess...

I'm doing ok.
I'll be fine each day.
I'll make it through
Each night without you.

It's harder than i thought it would be...thank god for my family n friends.
Lovemuch,
Jo

mmmm....

hello lovelies,

i feel like crap this morning... dunno why.

anyhoo... i didnt go out last night and i dont know if i'm up for going out tonight... i think i should just stay at home and save my money and spend more time with my family... and maybe finish this god damn assignment of mine.

i dunno... i'm still a bit undecided.

jordan and i... we're going ok. we're friends and we might be going on a movie date tomorrow (as friends) and yea... try and reconnect? i hope it works out...

being without him has made me realise that so many cliches ring true...

"better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"
"if you love something let it free"
"love conquers all"
"you only hurt the one you love"
"Love is not about who you live with... It's about who you can't live without"
"Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship, and find out you still care for that person"

ahhhhhhh...... too many sad thoughts for this early in the morning. (9.15 am)

goodnight. back to sleep for me... its easier than being awake and thinking.

lovemuch,
jo

keeping occupied

hello lovelies,

welll the past few days have been sorta bearable sorta not.... just been keeping myself occupied and trying not to think or be idle too much cuz i know if i do i will get all depressed and shit... ala the last post.

so in order of keeping occupied, tonight i will be going to einsteins, tmrw to retro night @ the hawthorn and friday night is air guitar night @ the hawthorn again!

hmmm i might just move there... lol

yea today at uni was hard cuz i was hanging out w my lovelies (also jordans friends) and then jordan appeared... and the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.. so i left soon after. it was really bad.

guess i just have to get used to it being like this for a while... being wherever he is not.

*sigh*

love,
jo

singledom

if being single encompasses things like

loneliness
sadness
hurt
being the worst person in the world
being scared to sleep without his arms around me
knowing i cant hold his hand or kiss his lips again
losing his family
losing his friends
losing him

then i dont think i want to be single anymore.


this has got to be one of the hardest points of my life thus far... i know i might sound a bit drama for some but if i do then obviously you dont understand...

jordan has been the only person i've loved for 2 and a half years... losing him is like losing half my heart and right now i'm so confused i dont know what i want and what i dont want.

do i want to be with him? yes
do i want to have my own life? yes
do i want to have a life with him? yes
do i want to think bout myself? yes
do i want to think for him as well? yes

what the fuck is with all these questionS??
this is why i hate confrontation... it makes me think and analyse and realise the shit that is actually happening in my life is really REALLY shit.

i hate it....

be my penguin?

love and what not

hello lovelies,

well this week has been one interesting ride... ups downs inside fuckin outs.

went to einsteins on wed night w caryn, krista and dee and a few more ppl from their apartment and it was really awesome! but the reason i was there with them by myself without jordan was not..

and then we went out again on friday night to the hawthorn to watch some air guitar masters compete! it was so much fun!!! but hmmm jordan wasnt there again... then suddenly he appeared and he left and omg...

the night ended in tears and those of you who were there know why.
but i'm glad we worked things out in the end.

alright... i'll be at einsteins on wednesday. see you there!



love much,
jo

647am

Why the fuck am i still up?!

Blondie

I like them blonde but not yellow! Geez! Lol. Love much, jo

st patty's day!

hey loves,

happy st pats day! just got back from work and i'm so fuckin tired i could just die! DIE!!!!!
anyway, heres a vlog i recorded before i went to work today...



love much,
jo

vlog and pics!

hey guys!

this is my first vlog tht i recorded on thursday evening before i headed out for the traffic light party! so yea... i ramble on a bit which is fine considering its my first vlog ever!!! woooo!



PHOTOS from the traffic light party!

love much,
jo

On the way to uni.

Joy of all joys. Jordan looks so cute doesn't he? Love,jo

Booze!

It's gonna be a good night chilling out with jordan and jesse! As if i really need this... We'll be drinkin again on thursday at the tlp!

Tired.

I just got home and i hate only one hour to chill before i have to start getting ready for work. Fuck!

hey all,

I got bored tonight while waiting for Jordan so take a gander at what i cooked up on Illustrator in 20 minutes.

tell me what you think bout it and what it means to you. MWA!

love,

jo

hey all,

I got bored tonight while waiting for Jordan so take a gander at what i cooked up on Illustrator in 20 minutes.

tell me what you think bout it and what it means to you. MWA!

love,

jo

Royroy!

This is my mate roy from uni! He's awesome fun! Right now we're sitting watchin jordan play bball. Woo. :$

My room.

Like how wonderfully clean it is? I love my new bedsheets altho they're a tad too small. I really need to start cleaning my room. Love, jo

happy birthday mummy

hello my darlings,





today is my mummy's 40 something birthday... but she still looks like she's old enough to be my sister. thats ok though, good genes must run in the family right?





my mother and i never had a very good relationship... from the start she was hardly ever around because she was at work all the time or travelling overseas FOR work or play. So thats why i became alot closer to my dad but no matter what, i always knew that she would be there for me if i needed her.





in malaysia, when she was around and once i started getting a bit older i started doing things that any neglected teenager would do; rebel. i started smoking, skipping school and sneaking out of the house to go clubbing with my older boyfriend. i had no relationship with my mother at that point because she discovered my sneakiness time and time again and therefore her trust in me was shattered.





i dont think i cared that much though because i guess i was thinking, well who cares right? i mean, she never cared for me before this so why should i care about what she thinks now?





anyway, that was when i was a bit of a younger teen... 14 going on 15.





once i dumped that sorry ass excuse for a boyfriend, i think my relationship started becoming a little bit better with my mum. we started talking a LITTLE bit more... connecting a LITTLE bit more... and becoming a LITTLE bit more closer.





then i fucked it up again... and again... and again. once she gains that much of trust in me, i do something to break it.





i guess, i will never fail to fuck up when it comes to her.





i think once we moved to australia, our relationship got a whole heap worse because i HATED her with a passion for dragging me to this stupid country when my whole life was in malaysia. i hated her and i hated phil and i hated everything.





after 4 years of living here though, i have eventually gotten over it and now i am looking forwards to making this relationship with my mum work this time.





i love her so much, i know she wont ever read this... but whatever. it was good to get this off my chest.





happy birthday mother dear!

love you guys!

jo

Things that match

Taken at an antique store in the dandenongs. Pretty right?

whoops!

HeY GUYS!

sorry for the super long slow update. i guess i've just been caught up in being aussified once again. gar!

i've been doing nothing exciting really. I've started uni last week and that was.... OK. it was good seeing everyone again. I remembered how much i hated uni last year... but then i remembered how much shit everybody is going through to put me through uni this year. so i deal.

i started work as well and that was better than i expected it to be. i definitely did not miss a few people though.... grrr... and there was this new girl there who worked at the Australian Open so she thought that *I* was new. She had the cheek to come up to me and start telling me what to do! I was just like, So how long have you been working here? She goes, Oh yea about 2 months so you can ask me anything if you need help. And i'm like, 2 months eh? Funny that. I've been working here for about 2 years so you can shove your help up your ass.

well... okay. i didnt say the shove up your ass bit but i really wish i did.

In other news, my friend caryn who moved here from malaysia has found a place in Auburn. well i think its auburn cuz its near the station. Its really nice but small but its lovely and the other people who live there are nice too. so shes settled in and i miss seeing her as often as i used to but its ok.. i'll get over it.

Also, my whole house is suffering from the FLU. thanks to my lovely mother... who's birthday is tomorrow so i shall not give her too much of shit.

I'm going to be starting another blog (ANOTHERBLOG?!?! you say). BUT its ok cuz i'm starting this one for my journalism class and its gonna be quite boring cuz i have to write about what i learnt in class or write bout something in the media that has to do with research but i'll put the link up anyway so you guys can read and comment if you want. lol.

ok la... i'll leave you with some piccies.

me and chow on christmas day at my house in kl.

i miss her heaps and i dont think i'll be going back to KL this summer so... *SOB!!!!*

But its ok, hopefully she'll be down in aussie next year and i will get to hang out with her here.

Rad.

Caryn and I the day we went for her Uni enrolment. I had to pretend i was a swinburne student and in the mean time i met one of my ollldddd friends from KL who was also studying at Swinburne. wierd eh? i never got the chance to meet her while i was in kl cuz of time clashes but we bumped into each other here!

anyway, after enrolling, we went to this place near her uni called 'Lucky Coq'. it has the best deals for lunch! $3 pizzas!!!! OMFG so awesome right? so we had a ceaser salad pizza for lunch and then a chocolate pizza for dessert. lovely dovely..... *drool*

BONUS: At lucky coq, the bartender guy looked like Wentworth Miller from Prison Break. omg so hot can die!!! i tried snapping a pic of him sneakily with my phone but it didnt work. *sob*

Jordan darling and me at his brothers surprise birthday party.

Woo!

Love you darlingggggg.

Me.

Yea needs no other explanation.

LOVE YOU!!!

jo

LONGGG post ahead

hey all,

this is my last day in KL for god only knows how long. i'm not sure when i'll be coming back next. i'd like to say end of this year but looking at my mum and dad's financial situation i'd say i was dreaming.

the past few days have been very nice...

SATURDAY

i had an awesome weekend. went to Zouk with a whole group of people; caryn, joanne, celina, ian, sheyna, jessica, tyler, andre, nora, reuben, shaun and a couple of other ppl i didnt know. but it was such a good night.. i think in the end we polished off like 4 bottles of Johnnie Walker Black and of course.. i got plastered!!!!

my god.. i was sooo drunk i didnt even realise it till the end of the night. as soon as we got out of the club it hit me so bad. i just couldnt control my head so i just sat on the floor... outside zouk... in my dress!!! MY GOD! how embarrasing! but ohwell, i thought. who gives a shit? i'm going on wednesday and nobody is gonna remember me next time i come to zouk. lol.

we went to eat after... well.. they bought me food but the sight of it made me want to throw up so i just pushed it away and lay my head on the table... with my hair in the soup. *bleh* hahahah..

got home at bout 5 and slept till 12 when i got woken up for...

SUNDAY

Everyone in my family came over to my aunts house to have lunch and to see me for the last time... it was really nice. Had a lovely lunch and had such a nice time just chilling w my family. Caryn was over too so she got to meet everyone.... hope it wasnt too scary for her. lol.

I GOT MY NEW PHONE THAT DAY TOO!

my new baby Sony Ericsson k610i (will think of another name for it soon)

*sings* it must be LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEE *stops abrubtly*


ahem... so... yea...

after lunch i drove caryn home.. from taman tun to OUG k? dont play play... hahahah. i made it there and back in one piece although i sorta got lost on the way backk... panicked myself silly. nearly had a minor heart attack until i realised where i was... *phew* thank god for handphones or i would have probably driven to Thailand. hahahha.

then at night i went out for dinner with Sha and Jar my two much loved friends from sri aman... we had dinner at shakeys and mannn was i full.... after dinner we took a walk around one utama and took lots and lots of camwhore queen worthy photos. couple of nice ones... couple of silly ones... but it was such fun! will post up a slide show of it later... in the meantime if you reallly cant wait to see them, they are at http://the-sitihajaradnan.blogspot.com/ .

hmmm... i think i shall end here. cuz i'm quite tired... and kristel and kelvin are coming to pick me up soonish for a drink.

MY LAST MAMAK SESSION! *sob*

thanks to everybody for making this trip so fun and eventful for me. all my family and friends, all those late night mamak sessions, all those spontaneous trips, all those meeting up in godforsaken places (ahem cyberjaya) lol... i'm gonna miss it heaps!

specially gonna miss my best friends... like Chow and Celina, cuz i didnt really get to spend much time with you because of business and clashes i'm so glad we went to gentings and spent that time together. i love you heaps and i'm gonna miss you sooooo much.

and my 2 cousins, jess and sheyna, family love will never ever fade no matter how far we are from each other. i love you guys with everything i have and singapore was too much fun to handle. miss you guys loads.

sha and jar, long lost friends who i've rekindled my love for this trip... (chewahhh... like lovers only man... lol) but no really, you guys have been in my life since i met you back in SA and even tho we didnt talk for a few years i never forgot the two of you and i'm so happy we got close again this time around.

kristel and kelvin, well i'm really glad i met kelvin cuz he's just such a joy to be around and kristel, well you know how much your friendship means to me and i'll always be here to talk to whenever you need me.

i'll stop now before i start bawling... cuz then i have to redo my makeup and pshhhhh....

will update once i get back to melbourne...

much love,
jo